Browsing Tag



Grandma’s funeral

Today we said our final goodbyes to my beloved grandmother. It was quite an emotional rollercoaster ride for me, to say the least. After a short night of sleep and feeling restless and filled with anxiety, my parents picked me up early in the morning to drive to my grandma’s home where she has been peacefully resting in her own room since she passed last week.

I got to see her one more time and I was happy to see she looked like she was finally in peace. Being the sensitive being that I am I couldn’t stop myself from shedding lots of tears.

I had another final glimpse of my grandma after she was put in her casket. With a white rose in her hands, looking like she’s sleeping, I laid my final eyes on her for the very last time before the casket closed, with the thoughts that I will never ever see her again in the physical world.

Along with my cousins we put her casket in the hearse, covered with beautiful arrangement of flowers from my grandma’s children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The family drove to the crematorium where friends and other relatives joined us for a service honouring my grandmother, filled with lovely words, photo visuals and memories. As the service came to an end, the direct family gathered around the casket for the very last goodbye. I put my hand on the casket while tears were rolling down my cheeks.

My sweet grandma. The only grandma I had left. Lived to be 95 years old. I will miss her so much! She’s always been the best grandma to me. Always spoiling me. She lived a full life. I will always cherish the memories I have, for the rest of my life. She’s finally reunited with my grandpa, after almost 30 years. And they are both watching over their loved ones. I do believe that.

I love you, my sweet grandma!


Rest in peace, grandma

My sweet grandmother passed away peacefully earlier this evening at the age of 95. Two nights ago she suffered a cerebral infarction and she was not waking up any more. This evening she was peacefully put to rest. I was happy to have said my final goodbyes to here while she was in a coma. I said my final words and expressed my love for her.

My grandmother suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease since she was 86 years old. She struggled with the disease for nine years, forgetting more and more, but luckily never the faces of her loved ones. She was such a strong woman! The sweetest grandmother anyone could wish for. I am happy she is in a peaceful place right now, watching over her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Rest in peace, my sweet grandma. I love you and I’ll miss you so much!


Meeting Miranda Sings in Amsterdam

On Thursday I went to see the Miranda Sings show in Amsterdam and it was a lot of fun! A couple months ago I finally decided to go get VIP tickets for her show, which includes a meet and greet, and it was the best decision I made this year! My social anxiety wasn’t pleasant to deal with, but I made it through and I had an awesome time!

I went to Amsterdam by train at around 2pm. I haven’t been to Amsterdam in a long time and it brought back memories of when I was working in Amsterdam, the long commute by train. I can’t believe I managed to stay sane to go to Amsterdam back and forth every day!

When I arrived at The RAI Theatre, there were already dozens of people standing in line. At first I felt kinda awkward, because I am all by myself, but there were many other people who were alone as well. That made me feel less akward. The doors opened at 5pm and everyone made their way inside. The meet and greet started at 5:30pm and lasted for about an hour I think. There were maybe around 100 people for the meet and greet, maybe more, I’m not sure.

During the meet and greet there was also a Q&A where she answered questions from the audience. They it was time for everyone to get their pictures taken with Miranda Sings, a.k.a. Colleen Ballinger. When it was my turn to get my picture taken with Miranda Sings I was so excited! I got two pictures with her and I almost started to cry when I said to her that her videos always make me smile on my saddest days. She hugged me and she’s just so lovely! Colleen is truly a kind hearted, fun and sweet person!

I also got my picture taken with Kory, her gay best friend, and actor Erik Stocklin from Haters Back Off, who joined Miranda on tour. He was also in the shows Stalker and Criminal Minds, just to name a view. Both were so kind and down to earth as well.

I got Colleen, Kory and Erik presents too. I bought this backpack that has ‘Amsterdam’ written on it, and I put some Dutch treats in there for them as well as a postcard with a little message from me. I really hope they liked it!

After the meet and greet we had to wait for like an hour and a half until the show started. People who had regular tickets slowly made their way inside and at 8pm the show started. It was so much fun! Colleen is so fantastic as Miranda Sings! It was hilarious! She interacted a lot with the audience. Some got invited to join her on stage as well. It was a great show!

The show ended at 9:30pm and after that I went back home! I am really glad that I went and I will definitely go again when she comes to Amsterdam! In the end my social anxiety didn’t got the best of me. I am glad I got through it! I also vlogged that day and you can check out that video below. But, yeah! It was fun! Thank you Colleen! You’re my all time favorite YouTuber! And thank you Kory and Erik!

I am already looking forward to the next tour! 🙂


Going to see Kathy Griffin live! Twice!

I am so freakin’ excited! One of my favourite comedians, Kathy Griffin, announced that she is going on a world tour and she will come to Holland for a one night only show in Amsterdam on November 13th! My friend Gisela, who is also a big fan of Kathy, messaged me today saying that Kathy announced her tour and that she’s coming here! Finally! This will be Kathy’s first visit to The Netherlands, and her first show here, and I couldn’t be more stoked about it!

I checked her tour schedule and I noticed that she will also perform in Antwerp, Belgium, which is not really that far, so my friend and I decided to go see her in Antwerp as well, on November 16th! Yay! Two shows of Kathy Griffin! November will be a month filled with lots of fun and laughter, and I cannot wait!

I have been a fan of Kathy for over a decade, when I first saw her reality hit show ‘My Life On The D-List’, and since then she has been one of my favourite comedians out there. Counting down the days! Something to look forward to!


Happy New Year – 2017

Happy New Year, everyone!

May all your dreams and wishes come true this year and may this year be so much better for the world and humanity, compared to 2016! Last year, there was so much pain and chaos all around the world. Let’s all spread love and not hate this year. Let’s all get along and love one another, because love conquers all!

Happy New Year! Much love from me, Leander


One year anniversary of being cigarettes free

What’s up, everyone!

Damn, it’s been a while since I have posted a blog on my website. Sorry about that. Anyway, today it’s March 8th and it’s a special day for me. It’s the day that I quit the stinky sticks, also known as cigarettes! Last year, on March 8th 2015, I finally quit smoking! Yes! Yay for me! I have been smoking for many, many years, since I was a teenager, which is over 20 years ago. I have tried many times to quit smoking and the longest I have managed to stay off the cigarettes was only one week. I am super happy and damn proud of myself for being able to hold off the smokes for this long. And ofcourse, I will continue to do so.

The thing that helped me quit the cigarettes is vaping! Yes, I do still get my nicotine fix (not more than 6mg in the e-liquid I use, I sometimes use 3mg or even 0mg), but vaping is like a thousand times better than smoking. It’s a much healthier alternative, let’s put it that way. Because there is no smoke. There are no chemicals and tar I inhale that makes my lungs all black and stuff. It’s just vapor!

It all started with trying these disposable e-cigarettes from Zensations, which I tried for several weeks. They were alright, but after a while I was looking for something more that would fit my needs. I came across different vaping channels on YouTube, learned about mods and atomisers, etc. And I finally gave it a go and got my very first all in one mod, the Joyetech eGrip. That little device has a built in tank and battery, and it was my little vaping buddy for several months. Until it gave up on me, unfortunately. I got a replacement, but it took me like a week to be without a mod, so I got the iStick 20W by eLeaf, which I bought in a store. It was on sale, so that was good. The Joyetech eGrip I had was then just a back-up for me and the iStick was my main mod I used to vape on.

After months went by, I came across a review of one of the newest mods by eLeaf and that was the iStick 60W with temperature control. Great device! The iStick 60W TC is now my main mod for whenever I am on the go. I use the Herakles Hydra tank with top fill and I just love it. It’s the perfect mod for me.

Just a few weeks ago, I started to show interest in RDA and building your own set up. While it’s still something new to me, I decided to get myself my own RDA, the Troll RDA and try and build my own coils. Okay, to be honest, I don’t make my own coils, but there’s this vape shop where you can order pre-built coils. I do wick them myself with cotton. Hey, don’t judge. It’s a slow process for me. But I am learning about it, as well as all the ohm stuff and wattage and resistance and all that jazz.

So, I was thinking, I need a separate mod for my RDA, one that I can use when I am home, and just randomly drip after a couple of puffs with any e-liquid I want.That’s when I decided to get the Reuleaux RX200. What a beast that mod is. It goes up to 200W and it has temperature control as well and it’s just a great stealthy mod. I am very, very happy with it!

So, as you can tell, the past year has been very interesting for me, learning about mods and stuff. I love it! I think am far from done with learning and understanding about it all, but I’m sure I will get there eventually. The important thing is that I am off the cigarettes for a whole year! Hallelujah!

If you’re a smoker then I would really want you to encourage you to try out vaping. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to quit. Quitting is different for everyone. I had a hard time quitting. But thanks to vaping, I managed to do so!

Happy one year anniversary of no more smoking to me!


My highlights of 2015

What’s up, everyone!

Today is the final day of 2015 and I thought it would be fun to close off this year by sharing my highlights of this year. A lot has happened in one year. A lot of good stuff, which I am very happy about.

First things first, something that I’d like to call a victorious moment, if I say so myself. That is quitting the cigarettes! After smoking for 20+ years (yes, I was very young when I started) I finally quit the stinky cigs with something that would definitely help many others who are struggling with quitting. And that’s vaping! I started with those e-cigarettes from Zensations, which is basically a recharchable battery where you can screw on these so called cartridges with e-liquid that comes available in different flavours. So, I was vaping on that for a few weeks or so, and still smoke cigarettes every now and then, but not as much as before. Smoking the e-cigarettes ended up not being my thing. I mean it was nice, but it didn’t really give me the full satisfaction, really.

I dug a little deeper and came across videos on YouTube about vaping, with different reviews of these so called mods, clearomizers, atomizers, etc. It was all like hocus pocus to me at first, but after watching a shit load of different videos I started to understand what it all is and means.

So, in March I purchased a mod. This one’s called the eGrip by Joyetech. It’s a simple mod with a built in tank and it’s 20 watts. I still don’t fully understand the wattage thing, but 20 watts is the maximum you can vape on. I think the higher the wattage the better flavour you get from the e-liquid, although I am not 100% sure. I am still learning.

So, this year I finally quit the stinky sticks and I can’t believe I managed to do so. I have tried quitting many times and I always fall off the wagon after a couple days. Vaping is such a healthier and nicer alternative. I have a total of three mods now. I also have the Eleaf iStick 20 watts mod and the Eleaf iStick 60 watts mod with temperature control. The last one is my latest one I purchased a couple days ago and I freakin’ love it! And there are hundreds of different flavours for your vape and it’s just the best. So much better than smoking!

When I started vaping I began with 12 mg of nicotine and right now I dropped to 3 mg of nicotine. So, it’s basically a process. But the 3 mg of nicotine is about perfect for me. And it’s so nice not to wake up with that feeling like your lungs are in your throat. And the vapor doesn’t ruin your lungs and I also noticed that my skin looks more refreshed. Mister vain, I know! Cheers to no more cigarettes!

The second best thing that happened this year, which is also something that I am super happy about is that I am finally debt free! Holy moly, that feels freakin’ great! I had a debt of roughly five thousand euros. It was a struggle because I was in a major depression that started in 2009 which caused me to lose my job, which then caused me not being able to pay my bills, which led to debt collectors and stuff, which then caused me even more depression, which eventually gave a burn out. I was suicidal, I had a shit load of therapy sessions, severe social anxiety… You may know the story, so I won’t go deeper on that. But yeah, after roughly five years I am finally debt free. With a lot of help from a budget management office here, I had to cut some strings, but I managed to pull through it. And it feels good. Knowing that I am debt free is such a huge relieve and it allows me to work and fully focus on myself and pick up the broken pieces and glue them all together.

The third thing I did, which made me think long and hard, is changing my YouTube channel. As some of you know, I have been vlogging daily since 2009, sharing my life, my ups and downs, in a video blog series, which after a couple of years got changed into weekly vlogging and I had over 900 vlogs uploaded. I wanted to make a change so bad! Because since earlier this year I started feeling a bit better again, doing my thing and working on myself. So, after thinking hard about this I decided to change up my channel and start a gaming channel, mainly for The Sims 4. I had purchased the game because the Mac version was released then, so I thought it was a great idea to do. But I wanted to start fresh. So I finally decided to delete all my 900+ vlogs, all videos of where I shared my deepest feelings, struggles and emotional breakdowns, and just start completely over. And that’s what I did! And it feels so nice to start with something new, something I love doing. I still upload a vlog occasionally, but mostly they’re gaming videos. And I am enjoying it! It was a big step and a big decision to make, but I have no regrets! I did back-up all my old vlogs on my external hard drive, so no worries.

The final highlight of this year was seeing my number one idol Madonna again at the Ziggodome in Amsterdam on December 5! The Rebel Heart Tour was quite a spectacle. This was the tenth time I saw Madonna and she really outdone herself again. I queued at the venue for twelve hours in the freezing cold, but it was totally worth it. My whole body was literally broke for the next two days, but like I said, it was totally worth it. Wish I could go see the show again, but I am happy I get to see it at least once. Long live the Queen of Pop!

So, these were the highlights for me in 2015. Great moments and great victories. I have no resolutions for 2016. We will just see what comes my way and just live in the moment. Happy New Year, everyone! May it be filled with lots of love, joy, happiness, peace and unity!