I am shocked, angry, hurt, depressed, disappointed…!
Have you ever felt a searing pain in your fragile heart? I won’t delve into all the details just yet, but it happened today. It felt as if an arrow pierced right through my heart. Everything unfolded today. I had to work until 4:30 PM, and after work, Rosemarie and I went to Defile, a café downstairs. We had some food and indulged in a couple of glasses of Chardonnay. The wine made me slightly tipsy. Gosia joined us after her shift, and as the evening progressed, we delved into topics we typically avoid. Alcohol has this way of shedding light on things. I started sharing some memories from my childhood, about being a bit of a problem child and my father’s discipline methods.
After a few more hours of chatting and a few more glasses of white wine, I spotted someone I know from work outside the café. This someone, with whom I had once confessed my feelings but was rejected, walked in to say hello. Then he left. What happened next hit me like a ton of bricks, and I’m relieved that it did. Rosemarie witnessed it, and I couldn’t resist glancing outside, even though I was shocked.
But now, I’m relieved. This was my wake-up call. It’s over, truly over, and I’m trying to move forward. I won’t keep waiting or anticipating. It’s time to cut ties. Madonna’s music keeps me motivated and strong. I’ll listen to her, hold my head high, and not let this “betrayal” – for lack of a better word – get to me. While we weren’t together in any official capacity, I thought we were friends. This feels like betrayal. It’s not respectful, considerate, or understanding. It’s a harsh revelation.
And then what happened? While I was sitting there in that café, knowing I was with my two colleagues and feeling the way I did, he came in to say hi, and then he was outside, with someone else, right in my line of sight. Gender doesn’t matter; it’s the principle. We didn’t have anything officially, but you made that clear to me. Still, what happened outside the café hit me hard. The show’s over – goodbye!
Later, I called several people, including Farah and Martine, because I needed to discuss this. I’ve realized that I need to put an end to this. Today was a wake-up call that forced me to see the truth. It’s painful, and I was shocked and disappointed. I never thought something like this would happen to me, especially after opening up and sharing my feelings with that particular someone who walked into the café. Have you ever experienced this?
When Madonna comes to Holland, I’ll have one less person to inform about the tour. I might get tickets for her concert. One person, who I thought was a friend, will no longer be on my list to share the Madonna experience with. Friends don’t betray one another. It’s harsh, rude, and entirely unacceptable. I will see Madonna this year, and you won’t. Consider this payback time. You’re a Madonna fan, just like me. But I won’t bring you along. If you can be harsh, I can be even more unforgiving. I’ve said my piece.
I’m feeling like I want to disappear from this world and never return. I felt bad during work today, and now I feel even worse. It’s all messed up. I don’t want to dwell on this anymore. Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’m unhappy – incredibly unhappy. Right now, I feel like vanishing from this world and never coming back. I’ve had enough. I’m human, and I have emotions. I won’t confront you about this. There’s no point. It’s just me, and I’m nobody. I refuse to do that – what’s the use? Nothing! I’ll let this be as it is. I know it’s tough, and I wish it had turned out differently, but this is what happened, and everything happens for a reason. Farewell, baby. It’s your turn to cry – that’s why we must say goodbye. You messed it up, or maybe I messed it up. Either way, it’s all messed up. Screw it!