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Leander Madonna

It’s a Celebration

So, my number one idol Madonna announced a new world tour this past Tuesday and tickets went on sale yesterday. I was totally stressing out, scared I wouldn’t be able to get a ticket. I logged on the Ticketmaster website and a couple thousands were already before me, waiting for tickets to go on sale. Thank goodness I was able to snatch a ticket and I am super happy! This will be my tenth Madonna concert. The show will be at the Ziggo Dome in Amsterdam on December 1st, so it’s still quite a long wait, but it will be worth it. The Celebration Tour will be a celebration of four decades of Madonna, filled with many of her greatest hits from the last 40 years!

I got the Golden Circle Early Entry ticket, so I get to enter the venue earlier before the general public. So hopefully I will get a good spot where I can see my queen up close again. Did I mention that I am super excited?

Yeah, December 1st can’t get here soon enough. It will be another Madonna spectacle, I’m sure! Tell me, are you going to see Madonna’s Celebration Tour? If so, when and where?

Queen of Pop, forever!

Leander

Wishing you an amazing 2023!

The new year is upon us and I would like to take the time and write a blog post to kind of recap this year. Where did the time go? It feels to me that this year went by even faster than the previous year, or is it just me? But, it was a great year nonetheless. I feel that I have changed a lot this year. Sure, there were moments where I needed to detach myself a little bit, but I was aware of my thoughts and feelings, and I got through it.

I have been streaming on Twitch a lot this year and I want to take the moment to acknowledge my gratitude for all the love and support I have received from everyone who came across my channel. Especially to those who have stuck around the entire year. Thank you for making me feel loved and appreciated. In a way a lot of you have dragged me out of my shell more and you all made me feel I can be my silly self and not care about what others think. I gained much more confidence and I am appreciate that a lot. I feel that this can only lead to better and bigger things, and I thank you for that. I am looking forward to start streams again in the new year!

The next thing I am grateful for, or happy about rather, is being back in contact with my mother. Mom and I had a falling out about four years ago and we had no contact whatsoever. Until my dad was hospitalized earlier this year and that brought us back together again. And it has been great since then. Family is back together! My mom is currently 68 and my dad is 73, and I hope to have them around for a very long time.

Since recently I have been posting a shit load of reels/short form videos on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. They are relatable reels that are mostly cringey, but I am having so much fun with it! Now, I am not the kind of person who focuses on numbers, but they have been doing pretty good on YouTube. On Instagram I even got over 10k views on a few of them. But still, they’re just numbers. I am just having a blast making them, and that’s all that matters. But who knows, maybe more of them will blow up in the new year! That would be amazing. I will continue posting them, even tho many are ridiculously cringey. But that’s the fun part. I don’t take myself too seriously. That’s also another thing I learned to embrace more, which is poking fun at myself, while pretending I am a big deal, which I am clearly not. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m a weirdo. I guess that’s what not taking yourself seriously is.

I don’t have any resolutions for the new year. I actually find having resolutions weird, but that’s just me. Why wait and change something in your life when it’s the new year, when you can make changes right now? It never makes sense to me why people are like “new year, new me” bull shit. The only thing I wish is that only good vibes and good things will happen. And that is all. Of course I wish that for everyone.

So, yeah! That’s all for now, folks! I hope you all have a great New Year’s Eve! Stay safe and I will definitely see you again in 2023! Happy new year!

Leander

Merry Christmas

It’s been a while since I have posted a new blog post. It’s Christmas today and it feels like it’s a good time to post a little something. First of all, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. May it be filled with lots of joy and laughter. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas at all I wish you a fabulous weekend.

I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing pretty good. I am currently taking a little break from streaming on Twitch. Mainly to just decompress a little bit and having some ‘me’ time, which is always a good thing. I will be back streaming on January 6th.

Christmas isn’t really a holiday I celebrate like most people. As an introvert I usually prefer to just do nothing and be by myself. And that’s what I am doing again this year. I will spend some quality time with the folks the day after Christmas, but that’s it. I don’t really care for anything fancy or be around too much people. It’s not just for me. I used to feel weird about that, mainly because when you tell other people that you prefer to be along they gave you weird looks or they wonder why. But for the last year or two I really don’t care about what other people think about it. Just let me do what I want. I enjoy being by myself and make a nice dinner and treat myself to things I love. It’s nice! And speaking of treating myself, I have been spoiling myself a lot this holiday season.

Since recently I started collecting Funko Pops from The Walking Dead, since that’s my favorite show. And I love it! I currently have eight Funko Pops and I cannot wait to collect more from The Walking Dead. I also got three of The Golden Girls, since that’s also one of my favorite shows, every since I was young! I’d love to have all the Funko Pops from my favorite shows! I definitely want to have ones from Friends as well! So yeah, this holiday season I have been spoiling myself with pops. And I love it!

Speaking of Friends, I treated myself and got the Central Perk Lego set! I actually have been spending hours last night building it. And it’s super cool! I bought this display cabinet from Ikea where I will display all of my Funko Pops and the Lego build of Central Perk will be added to it as well. Super fun!

I also got myself a new Razer gaming mouse for my PC and some new clothes as well.

So, yeah! The year is almost over and I still cannot believe how fast this year went. It’s crazy! I have nothing planned for New Years Eve. It will be the same, just being by myself, have some bubblies and couch hang. Just heavenly. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the new year. It’s safe to say that mentally I feel pretty good again. I feel more secure and confident about myself and I really hope that will be useful when it comes to new things. But I think I will post a separate blog post before the new year starts.

But, anyway! That’s all I have to report. I just wanted to wish every happy holidays. I know that the holidays are rough for a lot of people and I just want to say that my thoughts are with you. And that I am sending you lots of strength to get through it.

Thanks, everyone! I will be back again real soon!

Leander

July/August Selfie Dump!

Oh, hello! It’s been a while since I have posted anything on my fabulous blog. I can’t believe it is September already! How has everyone been? I’ve been good. Had some ups and downs every now and then, but that’s life, I suppose. When you have those moments where you feel like you’re in a rut and feeling unhappy you just gotta face it and work your way through it, isn’t it?

Not so long ago I reached a point where I felt rather stuck again and luckily I was able to acknowledge that and I had a couple of sessions with my therapist, which was great and liberating. I feel good again! But I don’t feel like going into the details of that now. I just wanted to to drop a little selfie bomb on my blog from the past couple months. So, here you go! I hope you are all doing amazing!

Leander

Time for another Birthday Stream

It’s my birthday month again and I have planned another 12-hour birthday stream on Twitch! Just like last year I will have a fun and chill stream where I will play games and hang out with some of you all, and celebrate my 42nd birthday! Goodness gracious, another year older and another year closer to death. My birthday stream will be on my actual birthday again, Sunday, July 17th from 11AM (CET) until 11PM (CET). I don’t know what I will do exactly. Maybe play some Sims and then perhaps some community games! We’ll chit-chat, maybe have some guests on voice-chat as well. Maybe there will be some drinking. We will see. There’s nothing better I would like than hanging out with my little community. It will be a lot of fun! Because I am fun!

So, mark your calendars and I hope to see you there! Be sure to follow my channel on Twitch if you aren’t already.

Leander

Will I ever get to work again?

I am dealing with some anxiety at the moment and it’s making me sick to my stomach! So many things are going through my mind and it’s giving me a headache. I am feeling quite clueless right now. I am having a hard time putting things in order.

I haven’t had a proper and normal every day job since 2010. I used to work for a major airline company for about eight years, handling sales and stuff. I lost my former job that year because of mental health issues. I was suddenly dealing with severe depression and anxiety and I have been in therapy for many, many years after I lost my job. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I totally shut myself off from the outside world, I had suicidal thoughts and absolutely no positive outlook on anything anymore. I’ve had assistance from the government, but it has been a real struggle. And it still is!

In the beginning of 2020. right before COVID-19 took over the world, I was doing so much better again. I had a positive outlook again and I was eager to get back out there again and see what my options are. However, I was worried because I hadn’t worked for ten years! But when everything got shut down because of the pandemic and the whole country was in lock down, my goal was basically put on hold.

Right now it’s 2022! The past two years of basically being isolated did have an effect on my mental health again, but I managed to control it by being aware of my thoughts and emotions. After being in therapy for so long I learned the tools on how to deal, maintain and go through it, and try to remain having a positive outlook on things. But I can’t help but worry. I am not getting any younger. Will I ever get a normal job again after twelve years of not working? It’s a very long gap. I got so many questions going through my head right now. Where do I start? Who would hire me? I got skills and I got qualifications, but twelve years ago I was thirty years old. Right now I am almost forty-two! Will there be anyone who would hire me at this age and after a twelve year gap? That thought really scares me. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I really don’t know where to start. Feeling the way I feel right now is not really helping either. I feel kind of stuck again, and I hate it. How can I approach this?

Even though I am doing so much better today than a decade ago I still have my moments of social anxiety. Although I do feel more confident, but not being out there and having face to face interaction with people, doesn’t really challenge me either. I feel I would be okay, but I’ll never know if I don’t have something to push me to be around people more. Especially now, since I am feeling a lot better than before.

Is there’s someone out there who can help me out or give me some sort of direction? Because right now it feels I am walking into a brick wall! I would love to do something within the travel industry. I worked for an airline and I have traveled the world quite a bit in the past, so it would be amazing if I could find something in that area again. Is there still anything out there like this after twelve years? Things must have changed a lot too.

When I worked for an airline company I had extensive training with their booking systems. I learned about ticketing, fare calculations and fare conditions, etc. The company also provided customer service, escalation and assertiveness training. I am very good with using a computer. I am fluent in Dutch and English, both spoken and written. I know my way around with video editing and graphics design software. Could these skills lead me to something?

I really need to clear my mind. I have been feeling anxious the whole day and it’s giving me a headache.

I received an e-mail the other day from someone within the government, informing me they will call me in a few weeks to check on me and see how things are. Maybe I should explain to them everything I have been feeling and thinking today.

You don’t look sick…

I gotta be honest. Shortly after I lost my former job I needed to get financial assistance from the government. Because I had a mortgage and continuing bills that needed to be paid. But they weren’t very helpful. I got the financial assistance, but they kept pressuring me and pushing me around to look for a new job, whilst dealing with my mental health. At that time I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was constantly down and depressed. I was suffering from migraines several times a week. The government even cut me off for one month because of the lack of willingness to look for a new job. Them cutting me off led to bills piling up the following months and that led to having debts. I was so lost and stressed I wanted to die. I couldn’t deal with anything anymore. It wasn’t until my father had to drag me out of my apartment to go see my doctor, because I isolated and shut myself off from everything. So that’s when my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist. I had a lot of sessions every week for the many years that followed. But when I think back on the lack of support and understanding I got from the government all these years ago, it makes me feel stressed. I remember saying to the person who was dealing with my case back then that I wasn’t feeling well. And they responded to me to me: “You don’t look sick”. Back then I didn’t think much of it, but when I think about those words they said to me right now, it brings up a lot of anger.

I really need to let those feelings go and not get worked up over it again. It just angers me so much. I just wished they didn’t treat me like a number. And instead show me some compassion and understanding. And really assist me to get back on track. But they did nothing! If they were being helpful from the beginning then things may have gone a different way. Maybe I wouldn’t have wasted twelve years of my life. Maybe they could have assisted me with schooling or something else that would benefit me. But no, I wasted twelve freakin’ years, being depressed, dealing with therapy every week and struggling to get by with the little financial assistance they provided.

I am literally shedding a few tears while I am typing this blog. I guess I figured out what caused today’s anxiety. It’s them! I guess it was needed to get this off my chest. Let’s hope when I have that phone call in a few weeks they are willing to assist me and my needs. I need to make notes of all the things I want to say. I really want to have a normal life again, have a job, save money, do fun things. I am really tired of living like this. Let’s hope for the best. In the mean time I am gonna try my best to remain positive. This shall pass too! Maybe there will be a follow up to this post, who knows?

Thanks for reading.

Leander

4 Year Twitch-a-versary

We’re getting closer to my four year anniversary on Twitch. I said I wasn’t gonna do it, but after giving it some thought I have decided to just go for it! I am gonna have another 12 hour stream, to celebrate the four years of streaming on Twitch! I have done it a few times in the past and it always was a blast!

My 12 hour stream will happen on Saturday, the 19th of February of 2022, at 12PM (CET). I will do some building in The Sims 4, do some House Flipper, Genshin Impact and who knows what else! To tell you the truth I am already excited to hang out with my fellow like minded people for 12 hours! So, you better stop by and say ‘hi’!

So, mark your calendars, because it’s going to fun! Because I am fun! At least I like to think that I am. Am I fun? I hope you can make it. Four years of streaming is quite an achievement, isn’t it?

If you aren’t following me yet on Twitch, what is your life? I’m just kidding. But no, seriously! Give me a follow. I currently stream every Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8PM (CET).

TWITCH.TV/ITSLEANDERTV

Thank you for all the love and support many of you have given me the past four years! I am super grateful for everything.