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Leander

Merry Christmas

Today it’s Christmas Eve! I just wanted to drop a few lines and wish you all a Merry Christmas, to those who celebrate! This year truly flew by super fast. Last year’s Christmas felt like it was only a week or two ago, for me. Crazy, isn’t it?

What are my plans for today? Nothing much, really. I will be spending Christmas with just me, myself and I. I got some deliciousness for dinner today, as well as for tomorrow. I have decided to actually cheat on my diet. I have mentioned this before, I have been intermittent fasting for the past couple of months, like over five months, and I have been doing quite well with eating healthy. I do notice a good change, both physically and mentally. I feel my waist has become a little smaller and I am very thrilled about that. Certain clothes I own I can wear again, so that’s a plus!

But, you know, since it’s Christmas and all, I have decided to cheat on my diet, because I fucking deserve it. So, I got some delicious prepared stuff that I can put in the oven and let it do its thing! I got one pork and one turkey roulade, plus two different kinds of potato gratin, that are ready to go into the oven as well. And some already made haricots verts with bacon. Nom-nom, right? So tonight will definitely be a treat! I also got some random snacks to nibble on after dinner when I will probably lie on my couch like a beached whale, watching sappy and romantic Christmas movies. Now, if that doesn’t sound like top-notch, then I don’t know what is!

Oh, I also got two bottles of South African rosé! So, I may get a little tipsy as well. Which shouldn’t be that hard, because I haven’t had any alcohol for months, when I started fasting. Ah, I can’t wait! Is it weird to get all excited about it? I don’t know.

But anyway, I just wanted to drop a few lines, like I’ve said. I am really starting to repeat myself! I wanna wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Regardless of how things are at the moment on this planet, I really hope you all will have a joyful Christmas, with lots of laughs and delicious food! And I’ll be sure to toast for you all when I start drinking my rosé.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Leander

No resolutions, but…

We’re in November right now. Oh, how time flies by! We are getting closer to the new year. This year really went by super fast and it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything. Although, I have been making some progress mentally with loving, embracing and being myself more, but there are still moments where I can’t help but feel unaccomplished, if that makes any sense. I want to feel the way I used to feel before a decade ago, where I was just happy. Working and making money, go on holidays and just live life. I do have faith that I will achieve that goal, because I do feel I am on the right path, but it’s such a slow process. It does make me feel anxious, but I try so hard to rise above it and fight it. Also this global pandemic that we’re in and all the chaos that is happening in the world, that is quite an obstacle too for me, it feels like.

I don’t do resolutions when it’s a new year. I never do. I think having new year’s resolutions is lame. Why wait for a new year to change and better yourself, when you can do that today? What I do hope is that I will have some opportunities in the new year. Opportunities that actually benefits me socially, financially and most of all mentally. Doing something I love and enjoy. Get back out there again and not hide because I am scared. I developed a little bit of strength this year, but it’s still a work in progress.

I feel kind of conflicted and anxious right now. I’m trying to shake it off by letting it out of my system by typing this blog post. I’m trying to hold on to the little bit of the positive mindset that I have right now for the firture and hope the new year will open some doors for me, for real.

Another thing that I always deal with each year is that it’s the holiday season soon. Christmas is just around the corner and I have to admit that every year during the holidays, I can get a little depressed. I’m always alone during the holidays, which is not the biggest problem. I do enjoy my alone time. It’s just that you always get reminded about being with your loved ones during the holidays and being all jolly with everyone. And it sucks when you really don’t have those options, to be with loved ones. I try to make the best of it, of course. I will probably have a little Christmas feast by myself, dim the lights, light some candles, couch hang and watch Netflix or whatever. That’s all fine with me, but still. So complex isn’t it?

We’ll see how my state of mind is when it’s actually close to Christmas. I’ll probably blog about it too. But, enough of this rant. I didn’t want to bottle it up, so I just thought I’d blog about it. Because this is my little home on the Internet, a place where I can talk about anything, right? Yes! I really do hope everyone out there is doing good. If not, try to fake it until you make it, perhaps?

Leander

I need some time for myself again

After a lot of thinking I have decided to cancel streams on Twitch this whole week! I need a little break and focus some more on myself. It’s one of those many moments again where I just need a little break, you know? I have been working on my stream overlays and I have made some minor changes to my blog as well, but I need to find my groove again and record The Sims 4 speed build videos again for my YouTube channel. I haven’t uploaded a video in like two months! I have been feeling uninspired a lot lately, so I need to find a way to get my creative juices flowing a little.

I can’t help but feel a little guilty for cancelling my streams. I don’t know why, because I know that I shouldn’t. I have received so much love and support from many people the past three years and it sometimes makes me feel like I owe them something back, you know? That’s why whenever I cancel a stream, I can’t help but feel a little bit guilty. How do I shake that feeling off? Of course, I am super grateful for everything people have given me. But still, I always have to put myself first. That’s the most important thing I have to do. I guess I fear that people will think that I am taking them for granted. I know that’s not the case, at least I hope it’s not. I really enjoy streaming and hanging out with like minded people, who take me and accept me for who I am. I can always be my crazy self around them. And I hope I make people feel they can be themselves as well. I don’t have a big community or anything like that. People come and people go… but the dozens of people who do stick around are just amazing and wonderful! They make me laugh and feel loved!

So, what am I gonna focus on this week? Like I said, I need to get my juices flowing again and get some inspiration and record speed builds again. I will tweak some minor things on my stream overlays and I am gonna try to add some more stuff to my blog as well. Maybe add some more pictures or something. I think I should blog more too about random stuff that’s been happening as well. I have watches so many movies and shows the past couple of weeks, it would be nice to blog something about that as well. Just the things I enjoy.

Anyway, I think I have rambled enough. I just wanted to give a little update on my life.

Madonna

The Madame X Experience

Madonna’s Madame X concert film is finally out! I watched it last night after waiting in full anticipation and it was fucking amazing, and worth the wait! I didn’t got the chance to go see the show in person, which was a bummer. The theater tour didn’t make a stop in The Netherlands. I could have gone to Paris or London to see it, but I couldn’t afford it this time. But, I am happy my queen released it and like I said, it is amazing. A true work of art!

The show mostly consists of songs from the Madame X album. Only a few of the oldies were added to the setlist, such as Vogue, Human Nature. Frozen and Like A Prayer

“Artists are here to disturb the peace…”

Madonna

You know, I gotta say… Madonna’s Madame X album is not my favorite. There’s a few songs on the album that I like, but it wasn’t an album that I would listen to day in and day out, like I do with her previous albums. But now, after watching the concert film, I feel like that might change! Isn’t that weird?

The concert film is available on Paramount Plus. I do hope we will get a physical release some day on DVD or BluRay! That would be even more awesome. Tell me, have you seen the Madame X concert film? Wasn’t it amazing? I just love my queen!

The audio from the Madame X show is also available on streaming services such as Spotify!

Leander

Disconnecting for the weekend

This weekend I am disconnecting a little bit and having a little ‘me’ time. It’s one of those moments again where I feel like I just wanna crawl under a rock. Whenever I feel like that I always disconnect myself from people and just deal with it. Analyze and examine my feelings and thoughts and work my way through it.

Lately I haven’t been feeling all that great about myself. There are a few things. My body. I don’t like it. I thought I was okay with it and just embrace it, but I guess not. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I am like a yo-yo, gaining and losing weight. Not so long ago I started intermittent fasting and eating more healthy. I eat between noon and 8pm and nothing else after until noon the following day. I did that for like a few months and I really noticed the difference. I noticed a change in my body and I felt more energetic too. But then I fell off the wagon again. I started eating again outside of the time slot I eat. More fatty food, chips, ice-cream, chocolate chip cookies, all the good stuff. And I noticed that extra spare tire coming back around my waste. So, here we are again, feeling bad and unhappy about it. I started intermittent fasting and eating healthier again since a couple of days. I am gonna try and focus on it and remind myself of how the results from the last time made me feel better. Fingers crossed.

Another thing I am going through is that feeling of not feeling attractive and feeling unwanted. Where the fuck did that come from, huh? Every time I take an interest in someone it always blows up in my face. I understand that I have a weird sense of humor, a dirty mind, but I think I have a great personality. Don’t I? There were countless moments where I came across someone who is cute, funny and has a great personality. I then I think “we could be so great together”. Does anyone ever think that when they see someone they like? Or am I the only one? But no, they’re either not interested or they don’t think of me the same way. Or when they show you they’re interested, but their heart isn’t fully in it. You know what I mean? It’s frustrating some times. Anyway! Woe is me! But I do feel that I can be the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. Is that a cocky thing to say? I mean, I am compassionate, understanding, loving, sweet and funny. I am all for honesty and communication. Making the other person feel there isn’t anything that they cannot tell me or talk to me about, even if they feel or think it may be something I don’t wanna hear. Doesn’t that sound like a good thing to have in a relationship? Anway!

What else has been happening? Anything that isn’t all that depressing? Well… I have been addicted to Genshin Impact since a month now. So that’s keeping me occupied a lot. And of course I am still streaming on Twitch, which I enjoy a lot. Hanging out with my peeps and stuff. Yeah, that gives me a lot of joy. Everyone is so loving and kind. I always have a great time streaming.

You know, with whatever it is that I am going through right now, I always try so hard to stay positive. Positive and optimistic. Good things will come, eventually. I just gotta set my mind to it, really. And not get sucked into this black hole. So I am considering my weekend of disconnecting a little bit as a good thing. Allowing myself to be a bit vulnerable and just let it all come to me. Feel, deal, heal… right?

Anyway, enough ranting about this. I needed it to get it off my chest one way or another, so why not blog about it? I hope everyone is having a glorious weekend. Take good care of yourself. And don’t worry about me. I will figure out how to rise above it. I always do.

Games

My new addiction: Genshin Impact

You guys! I have a new addiction and I don’t know if this is a problem. There’s a game that I started playing recently and I am obsessed. The game is called Genshin Impact, an open world anime styled role playing fantasy and adventure game by miHoYo. The curiosity started when I noticed and watched some people playing it on Twitch. So, I went ahead and downloaded the game on my PlayStation 4. The game is free, with optional in-game stuff that’s available for purchase.

The game never bores you! There’s lots of missions, different quests and stories, puzzles, exploring… You can even play with others in co-op! There’s a ton of stuff! And there are constant updates as well with new quests, characters and stories!

It’s safe to say that I am addicted! Does anyone of you play the game? Are you just as addicted as I am? What is happening?

The game is available on many different platforms, even on mobile devices like iPhone and Adroid!

I have added the game in my streaming schedule on Twitch as well. I even suggested the game to some of my viewers who are playing it now as well.

Leander

Great 41st birthday

Yesterday I turned 41 years young and it was an absolutely fun and amazing day. I went on to do a 12 hour stream on Twitch! To some this may be something that would makes you wonder how this is fun, but it was and that’s that. I had a blast hanging out with people. I did some building in The Sims 4, played some Geoguessr and I even had a few people on voice chat in Discord for the last hour of my stream. Time went pretty fast. I started at 12 o’clock noon and ended at midnight, precisely.

I even had a bit to drink during stream and eventually I was really feeling the buzz. But I had a lot of laughs and I was having a good time!

Playing Geoguessr on stream for the first time ever was a blast as well. I am definitely going to play that on stream more often. It’s a great game that allows you to train your brain and have a chill time with everyone in chat as well, who then has the option to help you out.

A want to give a huge thank you to everyone who tuned in to my 12 hour stream and for celebrating my birthday. I also want to thank for everyone’s generosity as well. I am always forever grateful for all the love and support I get on Twitch and I don’t take it for granted.

So, now I am another year old. Do I feel my age? Not at all. I still have the mindset of a 20-something year old. Sometimes. Physically however, I don’t know. But let’s not dwell on that, shall we?