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Leander

Four weeks of no alcohol consumption

I did it! I managed to not drink any alcohol for a little over four weeks now! In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I stopped drinking alcohol and that I want to start my forties taking care of my mind and body. I can’t believe I made it this far! The first week or two I experienced some withdrawals. I got headaches quite often, which was weird. But other than that, I was able to pull through it. I also lost a teeny tiny bit of weight. Can’t really tell, but I do kinda notice it myself, which is a great thing too.

Another thing I forgot to mention before is when I stopped drinking alcohol, I also stopped drinking soda! I used to be a Coke Zero addict. I could easily drink one whole bottle in one day. I used to obsess over that sensation of taking that big first sip of the day of ice cold Coke Zero and let it go down your throat. It was literally heaven to me. I just can’t explain why that’s such a sensation for me. I’m weird.

So, instead of drinking soda, I just drink flavored water. Here in the Netherlands we call it ‘lemonade’, but I know it’s different in the USA or elsewhere. It’s basically a syrup that you pour a little bit of in a glass and you just add water to it. There’s also a powder version like that. Anyway, I just get a few bottles, sugar free, of different flavors like strawberry, raspberry or orange. And I have been drinking lots of it the past couple of weeks. Like, really a lot! It’s so refreshing, especially on a hot summer day. And I always drink it in a big jar. You might have seen that infamous jar if you watch my streams on Twitch!

I am not a fan of drinking water straight from the tap, it’s just not my thing, I don’t know why so don’t come for me. I guess in my mind I think tap water is not super duper clean. Anyway, I bought six big bottles of mineral water and when they are all empty I just keep it. Because what I do is I just boil tap water in my water cooker, let it cool off for a few hours and just refill the empty water bottles! Saves me money too. Brilliant isn’t it?

Ah, the saving money sure is nice. I usually spend €25 maximum on beer and soda a week! That’s like €100 a month! It would be so much better for me to just put that money aside and save it for a rainy day, which is something that I am still trying to work on, saving money. Right now I buy other stuff, mostly stuff that I don’t need. But still!

I am pretty proud of myself. I never thought I could manage to stick to it. No alcohol, no soda! I guess if you have your mind set to it and you got the willpower you can do it! I mentioned in one of my previous posts that it doesn’t mean that I won’t have an alcoholic drink anymore, ever. I may drink on special occasions or whatever. But with moderation. Maybe I’ll get a bottle of wine once a month to drink on a weekend or something. For when I want to have a chill evening watching a movie or a show on Netflix or Amazon Prime. Who knows? But for now I don’t really have the desire for it.

Before I stopped drinking alcohol I used to have a couple of strong (10% alcohol) cans of beer every single night for like a couple of years! I used to love feeling a buzz, really. And sometimes I would even go further than feeling just a buzz. I would have a can or two when I would stream on Twitch, to make me feel more relaxed. I would have a good buzz and I would just feel more talkative and happier in a way. Thinking back to that it is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?

Right now, being off alcohol for a month, I feel like I have more energy, I sleep better, I lost a little bit of weight, my skin looks and feels a lot better… I just feel great!

If there’s anyone out there who is trying to quit alcohol, do it! Set your mind to it! Try and do it for a month. Have a little cleanse, it will do you good, believe me! You will feel so much better. Leave me a comment if you are struggling with stopping or if you are thinking about it. I would love to hear all about it!

Alright, that’s enough rambling about that for now. Going a little off topic…

I found these old selfies of mine somewhere on my hard drive and they are from somewhere in 2014, I believe. Boy, I was way obsessed with overlays and filters it looks like. And I love that I didn’t have a turkey neck back then. Oh well, have a great week, everyone!

Leander Madonna

30th anniversary of my first Madonna concert

Today is a special day, everyone! On July 24th, 1990, I went to my very first Madonna concert! This was my first concert experience ever! Madonna’s Blond Ambition World Tour! I got tickets for my 10th birthday that year and I still remember it well. It was a one night only show at Rotterdam’s Feyenoord Stadium and I went to the show with an old family friend. The show was on a Tuesday and I remember being super hyped for weeks! And then the time had come. I was going to see Madonna live!

There was a lot of controversy regarding the iconic Blond Ambition World Tour. It included religious imagery, sexuality… Madonna even simulated masturbation during Like A Virgin. The entire show was a theatrical masterpiece. It was the concert tour that changed all concert tours! Unfortunately for me, being only ten years old at the time, my understanding of English was pretty much non-existing. But I realized later in life that Madonna dropped the word ‘fuck’ a few times. What a boss ass bitch she was!

The supporting act before the show was Technotronic. Since the show happened in the summertime, it was still light outside. The show started if I recall around 9PM. The show started with an intro of industrial and hydraulic sounds and the stage was slowly being transformed into a set familiar like the Express Yourself music video. And rising up with an elevator she entered the stage. “Alright, Holland! I just want to know one thing! Do you believe in love?! Cause I got something to say about it!”. And right then and there Express Yourself started.

I can’t believe it’s been 30 years! This is crazy! And still ’til this day, Madonna’s Blond Ambition World Tour remains one of the best tours in history. And it’s definitely an experience I will never forget. I mean, imagine a ten year old me, experiencing his first Madonna concert. I mean, that’s wild! And I have been a fan of Madonna way before my first concert. I grew up listening to Madonna since I was like 5 years old! She’s my number one!

Happy 30th anniversary to my first Madonna concert experience!

Leander

Throwback to photo session in Ireland

Here are some old snaps from the vault from way back, 2001, when I was a skinny young queef in Ireland, at some lake. I don’t remember the exact location. Oh to be this slim and fit again! Oye! Good memories tho!

Leander

I’m finally 40!

Hey, everyone! Two days ago I turned 40. I can’t believe it. And I must say that I feel quite okay about it. My birthday itself was chill, lonely and boring. I did get to stream live on Twitch in the evening, playing episode 3 of Life Is Strange 2. And I got to hang with my little community, who have spoiled me rotten with donations and bits. It was awesome! Thanks, by the way, to those who made me feel loved on my birthday!

The reason why I feel okay being 40 may be because I made some changes in my life two weeks prior. I have shared this on Twitter and on Twitch. I used to be the kind of person who would have a drink or 5 every night. EVERY NIGHT! Feeling a buzz was kind of my thing. I know it sounds bad, but it was. And I have been doing that for the last two or three years! Maybe even longer. It was mostly beer that I drank, the strong kind that had at least 10% alcohol per can. Sometimes I drank wine, but that was rare. And I usually start drinking on stream too.

So, the changes that I made… Two weeks ago I decided to stop drinking cold turkey. I haven’t bought any alcohol whenever I did my groceries run. I also stopped drinking Coke Zero. And now, two weeks later, I feel great. Although I did experience quite a bit of withdrawals. Headaches, mostly. But right now it seems I got over that too!

Now, does that mean that I will never ever touch a drink again? Well, no! I am trying to hold on to it for at least one month, to just cleanse. Maybe even longer, who knows. I think a nice glass of wine would be fine, every now and then. Just with moderation. No more drunk Leander being drunk every night. I feel right now those days are over and done!

I was quite surprised, really. And I am very proud of myself too. I mean, if there’s a strong will, then there’s a way, right?

I want to start my 40′s taking better care of my body and mind. Maybe lose a little bit of weight, which I can already feel happening since I stopped drinking. I take better care of my skin too. It’s all good! Plus, not buying alcohol and soda anymore really saves a lot of money as well.

So, yeah! I am 40 now. And so far it’s been a great start. During my thirties I was mostly dealing with lots of ups and downs, family drama, depression, drinking a lot. And I decided to change it up for the better.

Do you love it?

Leander

I feel ‘blegh’

Hey, Internet!

The past couple of weeks I have been feeling rather ‘blegh’. There are times where I feel like I want to scream and then there are times where I feel I should just bottle things up and hope that it will pass. But that won’t work, If only it was that easy. Feelings have been in a knot and thoughts are all over the place. What a freakin’ joy! NOT!

When I was streaming on Twitch the past two weeks, I managed to kind of bottle it up and just have fun. But as soon as I end a stream, I would go back to feeling miserable.

If I have to describe the thing that I feel, then I guess I have to call it: unhappiness. Wow! Good one, Leander. I mean, when someone is feeling depressed or down, it usually is unhappiness. But it is how I feel. Unhappy.

I am at this point in my life where I just feel stuck. And some of it has to do with the fact that I will be 40 in two months. When I was younger, my life right now was not what I had in mind when I would reach 40. I had a plan. Or at least a direction what I wish my life would be like at this time. But I am not even close to have achieved that goal. A lot of other things which I just call ‘obstacles’ happened instead. Dealing with depression in my early thirties, going through family drama/issues, etc. It all caused me to go into a whole different direction of isolating myself, feeling down, creating lots of anxiety… just messy stuff.

What was my plan?

Well, I imagined to be in a whole different scenario when I would reach 40. I imagined I would be in a relationship with someone, maybe getting married and having a family of my own. Instead, I am all alone, feeling isolated and no where close to be in a real relationship. I don’t even have a job right now. Still relying on support from others. It sucks! And it makes me feel upset.

I try really hard to stay positive. There are other people on this planet who are dealing with things that are way worse than what I am going through right now. Way worse! But, I can’t help the way I feel, you know? There are moments where I try to keep my mind occupied, listen to music, dance like a maniac in my living room. That does help. Watching shows and just keep my mind occupied. Le sigh…

In the end, I’ll be fine. I’ve been through these moments hundreds of times. I just gotta get through it! Some moments are harder than others, and right now it feels like it’s the worst.

Luckily I have a great Twitch community and Twitch friends who keep me uplifted. I am grateful for that. They give me so much love and support! And this will pass, eventually. I just needed to get this off my chest, so thanks for reading!

Leander

The best and worst of 2017

Hello, everyone!

Today is the last day of 2017 and this year flew by real fast! I don’t have much exciting to say about this year, but there are a few things that happened this year that made me happy and some that made me sad.

This year I have been focusing a lot on my YouTube channel, creating as much content as I could, like The Sims 4 speed build videos and other related videos to The Sims 4, such as Create A Sims and Let’s Play videos. This year the amount of subscribers to my channel increased with 2000 new subscribers, which is for me quite a lot. I have met many awesome people in the YouTube and The Sims community who I consider as friends, and I got so many love and support from viewers from all around the world, which is amazing!

Another great thing that happened this year was seeing one of my favorite YouTubers Colleen Ballinger, also known as Miranda Sings. I have been watching her videos for years now and when she announced she was going to tour Europe again and coming back to Amsterdam on September 21, I finally was able to get a ticket this time, which included a meet and greet as well. She is one of the kindest, loving and down to earth human being out there! And she is one of the few YouTubers who cares dearly about her fans. Seeing her show was super fun and I will definitely go see her again when she’s coming back to Holland.

My next “highlight” of this year was finally seeing the new adaptation of Stephen King’s It! I went to see the movie on the first day it came out, together with my dad, and in my whole life this was the second time that I went to the movies with my dad. The first time was decades ago when I was like 10 years old. We went to see the movie Dick Tracy. It was fun to have some quality time with my dad, because I love him so dearly! The movie was amazing! I have read the book 4 times and even tho there were a few things different and missing from in the book, it did really capture the chemistry between the characters and the horror that is Pennywise the dancing clown. Looking forward to the second chapter, but that won’t be out until 2019.

Another fun experience or ‘highlight’ for me was seeing one of my favorite stand-up comedians, Kathy Griffin!! I have been a fan of Kathy Griffin since her reality TV show My Life On The D-List. When a friend of mine messaged me with the news that Kathy Griffin was going on a world tour and she’s coming to Amsterdam in November, I literally jumped for joy! We immediately got tickets for the Amsterdam show on November 13, and later we decided to get tickets for the show in Antwerp, Belgium, as well on November 16! Her shows were absolutely hilarious! I laughed from beginning to end. In Amsterdam I was sitting on the fourth row, and in Antwerp front row. It was awesome seeing her up close and personal. It was the best ever!

Now, on to not so great things… This year my beloved grandmother passed away on October 26, at the age of 95. Two days before she passed she had some sort of stroke and she didn’t wake up anymore. When we got the news I told my dad I wanted to go see her, so the following day we went to my grandma to say our last goodbyes. The day after she passed away peacefully. The funeral was a few days later and the ceremony was very emotional. I still think about my grandmother every day and I miss her so much. She was such an amazing grandmother to me. Always loving, supportive and caring. When I came out to my grandmother she was the best support to me. Unfortunately for almost the last decade of her life she suffered from Alzheimer’s and she lost quite a lot of memories. But, she’s now in peace together with my grandfather, where ever that is. She had a great and full life. Just the loss and missing her so much still affects me.

So, yeah! These were my best highlights of 2017! Let’s hope 2018 will be a good year, not just for me but for everyone! I hope people will continue to spread love and encourage others to do the same. It’s really not that hard. We are all on this planet together. It is time to accept our differences and respect other people and treat everyone with kindness and respect. I want to see less hate and more love! And more compassion.

Happy new year, everyone! I am sending you lots of love! May all your dreams and wishes come true in the new year!

Leander

Kathy Griffin in Amsterdam

What’s up, everyone!

This evening was one of the best nights of my freakin’ life! After a decade of being a fan I finally got the chance to see one of my favorite comedians, Kathy Griffin, live at the Meervaart Theatre in Amsterdam! And boy, it was the best ever! She is fierce, amazing, unapologetic and just freakin’ awesome!

I went to the show with two friends of mine who I met up with before the show at a little bistro across the theatre. We had a lovely dinner there, caught up and chatted with each other for like an hour and after dinner we headed to the theatre for the show.

At the venue, it was like gay heaven! It’s know that Kathy Griffin has a huge gay following and I’m pretty sure that 90% of the audience there were my fellow LGBTQ people and I fucking loved it!

The show started at 8:15 and it lasted for two hours! It was amazing! We had great seats on row four and I was pretty much in awe to see Kathy Griffin so close! She’s just so tiny and fierce! The set was amazing, I literally laughed from start to finished and it was just the best! I don’t have any pictures or videos of the show, cause it was strictly prohibited, but that’s okay! I sat back, relaxed and enjoyed the show! This was Kathy’s first ever visit and first ever show in Holland and I really hope she’ll be back again in the near future, because I will be there!

All in all, I had a blast! And I cannot wait to see her next show this coming Thursday in Antwerp, Belgium! Thank you for the laughs, Kathy! You’re the best!

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