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weekend

Leander

Disconnecting for the weekend

This weekend I am disconnecting a little bit and having a little ‘me’ time. It’s one of those moments again where I feel like I just wanna crawl under a rock. Whenever I feel like that I always disconnect myself from people and just deal with it. Analyze and examine my feelings and thoughts and work my way through it.

Lately I haven’t been feeling all that great about myself. There are a few things. My body. I don’t like it. I thought I was okay with it and just embrace it, but I guess not. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I am like a yo-yo, gaining and losing weight. Not so long ago I started intermittent fasting and eating more healthy. I eat between noon and 8pm and nothing else after until noon the following day. I did that for like a few months and I really noticed the difference. I noticed a change in my body and I felt more energetic too. But then I fell off the wagon again. I started eating again outside of the time slot I eat. More fatty food, chips, ice-cream, chocolate chip cookies, all the good stuff. And I noticed that extra spare tire coming back around my waste. So, here we are again, feeling bad and unhappy about it. I started intermittent fasting and eating healthier again since a couple of days. I am gonna try and focus on it and remind myself of how the results from the last time made me feel better. Fingers crossed.

Another thing I am going through is that feeling of not feeling attractive and feeling unwanted. Where the fuck did that come from, huh? Every time I take an interest in someone it always blows up in my face. I understand that I have a weird sense of humor, a dirty mind, but I think I have a great personality. Don’t I? There were countless moments where I came across someone who is cute, funny and has a great personality. I then I think “we could be so great together”. Does anyone ever think that when they see someone they like? Or am I the only one? But no, they’re either not interested or they don’t think of me the same way. Or when they show you they’re interested, but their heart isn’t fully in it. You know what I mean? It’s frustrating some times. Anyway! Woe is me! But I do feel that I can be the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. Is that a cocky thing to say? I mean, I am compassionate, understanding, loving, sweet and funny. I am all for honesty and communication. Making the other person feel there isn’t anything that they cannot tell me or talk to me about, even if they feel or think it may be something I don’t wanna hear. Doesn’t that sound like a good thing to have in a relationship? Anway!

What else has been happening? Anything that isn’t all that depressing? Well… I have been addicted to Genshin Impact since a month now. So that’s keeping me occupied a lot. And of course I am still streaming on Twitch, which I enjoy a lot. Hanging out with my peeps and stuff. Yeah, that gives me a lot of joy. Everyone is so loving and kind. I always have a great time streaming.

You know, with whatever it is that I am going through right now, I always try so hard to stay positive. Positive and optimistic. Good things will come, eventually. I just gotta set my mind to it, really. And not get sucked into this black hole. So I am considering my weekend of disconnecting a little bit as a good thing. Allowing myself to be a bit vulnerable and just let it all come to me. Feel, deal, heal… right?

Anyway, enough ranting about this. I needed it to get it off my chest one way or another, so why not blog about it? I hope everyone is having a glorious weekend. Take good care of yourself. And don’t worry about me. I will figure out how to rise above it. I always do.

Leander

Watching Insidious 2 with mom and dad

I went to my parents’ this afternoon to do some minor shopping and when they dropped me off at home in the early evening, my parents wanted to watch Insidious 2 on Netflix, because they saw part 1 last night on television.

My parents needed to do laundry too at my place, because their washing machine is broken. So, watching the movie is what we did in the mean time, and I didn’t like the movie that much. Maybe I should have watched the first movie, I don’t know. There were some jumpy moments and as usual I put a pillow in front of my face.

But, it was nice to have my parents over. They just left and I took another “cool down” shower, which was needed. And now I’m going to continue with Once Upon A Time! I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Leander

The one with the warm weekend

I have waited what felt like a long time! Waited for the weekend! Problem is always that the weekends are going so fucking fast! Really annoying. I feel like mentally preparing myself for next week, when I have a bad week of six days of work. Six fucking days in a fucking row. Oh well! I was only suppose to work for five days, but I still owed Gosia one day. That’s right! It bites me in the ass!

The weather here in Holland is slowly getting better and better! I even did my grocery shopping without wearing a jacket! I was wearing a t-shirt! Can you believe that? Anyway, nothing much is new! Just been chilling! Hope you had a nice weekend!

Leander

Another new layout

I am enjoying my days off! Sunday I went to see Gisela. She could use some company as she has been feeling kinda depressed and cranky. We had a great time. Talked and laughed our asses off! Right now I am home alone and I enjoy this too! I was supposed to meet up with Jenny, but I haven’t heard anything from her. I told her I’d call her last night, but she wasn’t there. I will try to give her a ring ring later this afternoon.

I already have my ticket for Suriname. Just two more months to go and then I am off for 3 weeks and a half! That’s right! I hope I will survive living without the internet. Haha! I am so sad. I know that there are a few internet cafe’s in Suriname, so perhaps I might even post something from time to time.

As you can see I have changed the main layout! I hope you like this one. I so love that picture of Justin and Christina. Raw and sexy as hell! Well that’s it for now, I don’t have anything new to tell you. Tomorrow back to work. I have been off for three days and yeah it kinda sucks to get back to work. Oh well, nothing to do about it. Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. I will be back again soon! Peace out!

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