Browsing Tag

Leander

Leander

No resolutions, but…

We’re in November right now. Oh, how time flies by! We are getting closer to the new year. This year really went by super fast and it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything. Although, I have been making some progress mentally with loving, embracing and being myself more, but there are still moments where I can’t help but feel unaccomplished, if that makes any sense. I want to feel the way I used to feel before a decade ago, where I was just happy. Working and making money, go on holidays and just live life. I do have faith that I will achieve that goal, because I do feel I am on the right path, but it’s such a slow process. It does make me feel anxious, but I try so hard to rise above it and fight it. Also this global pandemic that we’re in and all the chaos that is happening in the world, that is quite an obstacle too for me, it feels like.

I don’t do resolutions when it’s a new year. I never do. I think having new year’s resolutions is lame. Why wait for a new year to change and better yourself, when you can do that today? What I do hope is that I will have some opportunities in the new year. Opportunities that actually benefits me socially, financially and most of all mentally. Doing something I love and enjoy. Get back out there again and not hide because I am scared. I developed a little bit of strength this year, but it’s still a work in progress.

I feel kind of conflicted and anxious right now. I’m trying to shake it off by letting it out of my system by typing this blog post. I’m trying to hold on to the little bit of the positive mindset that I have right now for the firture and hope the new year will open some doors for me, for real.

Another thing that I always deal with each year is that it’s the holiday season soon. Christmas is just around the corner and I have to admit that every year during the holidays, I can get a little depressed. I’m always alone during the holidays, which is not the biggest problem. I do enjoy my alone time. It’s just that you always get reminded about being with your loved ones during the holidays and being all jolly with everyone. And it sucks when you really don’t have those options, to be with loved ones. I try to make the best of it, of course. I will probably have a little Christmas feast by myself, dim the lights, light some candles, couch hang and watch Netflix or whatever. That’s all fine with me, but still. So complex isn’t it?

We’ll see how my state of mind is when it’s actually close to Christmas. I’ll probably blog about it too. But, enough of this rant. I didn’t want to bottle it up, so I just thought I’d blog about it. Because this is my little home on the Internet, a place where I can talk about anything, right? Yes! I really do hope everyone out there is doing good. If not, try to fake it until you make it, perhaps?

Leander

Disconnecting for the weekend

This weekend I am disconnecting a little bit and having a little ‘me’ time. It’s one of those moments again where I feel like I just wanna crawl under a rock. Whenever I feel like that I always disconnect myself from people and just deal with it. Analyze and examine my feelings and thoughts and work my way through it.

Lately I haven’t been feeling all that great about myself. There are a few things. My body. I don’t like it. I thought I was okay with it and just embrace it, but I guess not. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I am like a yo-yo, gaining and losing weight. Not so long ago I started intermittent fasting and eating more healthy. I eat between noon and 8pm and nothing else after until noon the following day. I did that for like a few months and I really noticed the difference. I noticed a change in my body and I felt more energetic too. But then I fell off the wagon again. I started eating again outside of the time slot I eat. More fatty food, chips, ice-cream, chocolate chip cookies, all the good stuff. And I noticed that extra spare tire coming back around my waste. So, here we are again, feeling bad and unhappy about it. I started intermittent fasting and eating healthier again since a couple of days. I am gonna try and focus on it and remind myself of how the results from the last time made me feel better. Fingers crossed.

Another thing I am going through is that feeling of not feeling attractive and feeling unwanted. Where the fuck did that come from, huh? Every time I take an interest in someone it always blows up in my face. I understand that I have a weird sense of humor, a dirty mind, but I think I have a great personality. Don’t I? There were countless moments where I came across someone who is cute, funny and has a great personality. I then I think “we could be so great together”. Does anyone ever think that when they see someone they like? Or am I the only one? But no, they’re either not interested or they don’t think of me the same way. Or when they show you they’re interested, but their heart isn’t fully in it. You know what I mean? It’s frustrating some times. Anyway! Woe is me! But I do feel that I can be the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. Is that a cocky thing to say? I mean, I am compassionate, understanding, loving, sweet and funny. I am all for honesty and communication. Making the other person feel there isn’t anything that they cannot tell me or talk to me about, even if they feel or think it may be something I don’t wanna hear. Doesn’t that sound like a good thing to have in a relationship? Anway!

What else has been happening? Anything that isn’t all that depressing? Well… I have been addicted to Genshin Impact since a month now. So that’s keeping me occupied a lot. And of course I am still streaming on Twitch, which I enjoy a lot. Hanging out with my peeps and stuff. Yeah, that gives me a lot of joy. Everyone is so loving and kind. I always have a great time streaming.

You know, with whatever it is that I am going through right now, I always try so hard to stay positive. Positive and optimistic. Good things will come, eventually. I just gotta set my mind to it, really. And not get sucked into this black hole. So I am considering my weekend of disconnecting a little bit as a good thing. Allowing myself to be a bit vulnerable and just let it all come to me. Feel, deal, heal… right?

Anyway, enough ranting about this. I needed it to get it off my chest one way or another, so why not blog about it? I hope everyone is having a glorious weekend. Take good care of yourself. And don’t worry about me. I will figure out how to rise above it. I always do.

Leander

Great 41st birthday

Yesterday I turned 41 years young and it was an absolutely fun and amazing day. I went on to do a 12 hour stream on Twitch! To some this may be something that would makes you wonder how this is fun, but it was and that’s that. I had a blast hanging out with people. I did some building in The Sims 4, played some Geoguessr and I even had a few people on voice chat in Discord for the last hour of my stream. Time went pretty fast. I started at 12 o’clock noon and ended at midnight, precisely.

I even had a bit to drink during stream and eventually I was really feeling the buzz. But I had a lot of laughs and I was having a good time!

Playing Geoguessr on stream for the first time ever was a blast as well. I am definitely going to play that on stream more often. It’s a great game that allows you to train your brain and have a chill time with everyone in chat as well, who then has the option to help you out.

A want to give a huge thank you to everyone who tuned in to my 12 hour stream and for celebrating my birthday. I also want to thank for everyone’s generosity as well. I am always forever grateful for all the love and support I get on Twitch and I don’t take it for granted.

So, now I am another year old. Do I feel my age? Not at all. I still have the mindset of a 20-something year old. Sometimes. Physically however, I don’t know. But let’s not dwell on that, shall we?

Leander

Birthday Stream

It’s almost my birthday again! Where does the time go? I’ll be 41 years old, my goodness! Another year closer to death. Since I never do anything for my birthday I have planned to do a 12 hour stream on Twitch on Saturday, July 17, which is my actual birthday. I will start the stream at 12 o’clock noon and I will finish at midnight! I planned to do some building in The Sims 4, play some Geoguessr and maybe some other games. Basically just hang and chill with anyone who stops by in chat! It’s going to be fun! I may have a drink later or two as well before the stream ends.

I have made a flyer that I posted on Twitter and Instagram already, to just get the word out.

I am so weird. With that I mean I usually don’t want to do anything on my birthday. I don’t really care for it. And on the other hand I do crave a little attention/validation as well. Isn’t that weird? Anyone else ever feel like that? I’m such a complex human being. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s kinda nice to have the spotlight shine on you. But my inner introverted self is also like: “It’s nice not deal with the attention”. Meh!

But, anyway! Birthday stream! For 12 hours! Mark your calendar! I know I should have posted a blog about it earlier, but oh well! I hope you can make it, even if it’s just for a little bit. I would appreciate that a lot!

Click here to go to my Twitch channel. And follow me if you aren’t already!

The Sims 4

Blanc Minimal

Here’s a very small one bedroom and two bathroom modern house I built in The Sims 4. It’s a very white and minimal house, without clutter. Download the house from The Sims 4 Gallery here, or search using my EA ID, which is ‘itsleander’.

Check out the speed build video below!

Leander

Finally a hair cut

I was debating whether or not to cut my hair for the past couple of weeks. My hair had gotten really long. I had locks covering my eyes. I wanted to grow it out, but in the end I decided not to and just chop it off and have a short hairdo. Refreshing, isn’t it?

Leander

Happy New Year

Wow, this is the first post of 2021! Happy New Year, everyone! The first couple of days in the new year I have been doing nothing but chillin’. I canceled my stream on New Year’s Day, because I felt like I needed a little break, so that’s what I did. New Year’s Eve was chill for me as well. I have been talking to my online friends a lot, killing time and just do whatever.

New Year’s Eve must have been so different for everyone on this planet. And it’s safe to say that 2020 sucked big time. I hope in the new year we get to see things change for the best. I am over this whole pandemic! I want everything to go back to normal. But I feel it will take a while before the world is completely recovered and at ease. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

So, the past couple of days I have been unproductive. I haven’t recorded any videos yet for my YouTube channel. I felt rather uninspired, which I hope will change soon. Gotta get my groove back, you know what I mean? I have been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto V on my Playstation 4 Pro, doing missions and stuff. Love the game. I have the game on my PC as well and I used to stream it a couple of times on Twitch. I am pleased that I am further with the game than when I was playing it on my PC. I planned to play some more today, but I was forcing myself to take a little break from it, so I finally started watching season one of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK!

Tomorrow I will start getting back to my regular streaming schedule again, my first stream in the new year. We’ll probably build in The Sims 4 again, but I don’t know yet what to build. I’ll just make up something quickly before I go live. Or find some inspiration online, that helps too. So, I hope to catch you all when I am live!

But, yeah! I hope everyone had a great start of the new year. And I really hope that the new year will give a lot of people something better, for everyone. All I can say is that I will send each and everyone of you positive vibes. And I am reminding you that we’re all in this together. Try to have a positive mindset, okay?

I don’t have any New Year’s Resolution. I don’t do that. People often have resolutions for when it’s a new year, but not me. Why wait and change something when it’s a new year, while you have the chance to make changes before a new year starts? It never really makes sense to me.

Enough rambling for now! Again, Happy New Year! Be good and be kind!

LIVE NOW! CLICK TO VIEW.
CURRENTLY OFFLINE